I'm writing this now as a college sophomore, a little under 12 hours before my statistics midterm, just before I book it back do my dorm, freshen up, and book it back to college in time for the Undergraduate Student Government debate. I don't have any internet courtesy and I think this may be the third time I've left without a trace. Maybe I'm not good at saying goodbye. Maybe it's because I don't really ever say goodbye. After all, here I am updating after three years of silence!
It's weird reading back through my old posts. I stumbled across one about me crying in my 8th grade math class and I kind of want to laugh because Statistics is KICKING MY ASS and I would give anything to take 8th grade long division over this standard deviations probability bullshit haha.
What have I done with myself since then?
I was editor in chief of the literary magazine and president of the asian culture association in high school. I graduated with honors and now I go to college. I worked as a stage hand for an off-broadway theatre company and as a public relations intern for a menswear company that sells suits and things that cost more than my spring semester bill. I am applying to every television station internship I can get my hands on in the summer. I'm running for the communications board for my college's undergraduate student government. I am also running for public relations officer for district three of a Filipino-culture college networking organization.
I think I needed to look back. See that I have done something with my life. I was such a kid. I miss that. I miss not being in an active rush to grow up. But I've always wanted to be older.
I pretended a lot on here. Even though I eventually divulged that I was only 13 years old when I started really blogging a lot, I pretended to be older (actually I was 10 years old when I started this blog.)I pretended to be close to my cousins (I was never close to them). I tried to conform and people please. None of that hasn't really changed; I just white lie myself instead of other people, and I've decided to turn my affinity for TV and social networking sites into a career. (PR hehe).
I don't live with my parents anymore, and I miss them all the time. I've said a lot of shitty things about them on here, but they're great and they have always been great. I've said a lot of shitty things about great people. Somehow they stuck around. Godbless them. I've forgotten I've even said these awful things. It really is awful, some of these posts. But I understand that I was just growing up.
It's really interesting how the emotional responses I have towards certain things have not changed. I still hate math, despair in anything love related, and feel all the feels for television. But the way I deal with those emotions is so different. In a way it seems like I've changed, it seems like I've become a different person. But I'm still the same.
If anyone that used to follow me reads this, I want to tell you that I care about you. You were there to witness young Kate. And the Kate that is typing this now is still young, still the same, but the callouses she's developed through living have made her a lot more inhibited. Not to say that she's any worse, or that young Kate was any better, but you were there and your presence affected the young woman writing this today. Being a part of the Stargate fandom with you impacted me so much that I have decided to get the symbol for earth tattooed on my body. The back of my neck, actually. Actually I haven't gotten it yet. I'm waiting until I can afford to move out of my house permanently because my first generation American Filipino parents will most 1000000000% kick me out for getting inked.
But when I do get it inked, I will be thinking of you. I will be thinking about the forum conversations, the flailing, the campaigning, the arguing, the fics, the avatars, the loving we did together in the world we made around these imaginary characters, around that imaginary world. I hope that doesn't sound creepy. I just really love TV and I am really blessed to have been a part of it in its early stages, before tumblr, before the explosion and idiomatic use of the words shipper and OTP. I really love fandom. You are all talented, intelligent, passionate, amazing people, and the best roll models for a terrible ten year old, and a dramatic 13 year old. I hope you carry all of that energy with you forever, in everything you do.
Thank you for reading this. I hope life has allowed you to grow as it has for me.
Till next time! :)